ADHD and Me

At forty years old I’m still not in sync with my ADHD. That may be because I was diagnosed late in life and and was kind of already set in my ways. It’s funny that growing up I’d never thought about black women having ADHD. Being unorganized, messy, and late were just things I assumed was part of my personality.

Being undiagnosed is the worst part. There were times when I would break down in cry because I couldn’t understand how others could manage it all and I couldn’t. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t function like everyone else.

When you get diagnosed and actually get some therapy, you learn all the ways ADHD has molded your life. Take me for example, five children with four different fathers. Women with ADHD are more likely to engage in risky impulsive behavior. Multiple jobs in just a few years. Women with ADHD do not experience time the same as others. Our five minutes is, non-adhd people’s fifteen minutes. Not am I always late, but the kids are late to school too. I can’t tell you how many debit cards, social security cards, birth certificates, keys, I’ve had to replace because I cant seem to remember them. How many doctors appointments, dentist appointments, and eye glass appointments I’ve had to reschedule for me and my children because I forget about them or I’m too late. Or how many payment plans or disconnection notices. Or how about the fact that I have over 100,000 dollars in student loan debt because there has been multiple times I started and stop school or changed my major before I actually graduated.

Just being diagnosed lifted a weight off my shoulders. So I wasn’t just a fuck-up. I opted for medication and cognitive behavior therapy. Medications help you focus, but it doesn’t change your behavior.

Like I said my life isn’t in sync yet. There are something I’ve come to understand about myself. I will never ever work in a cubicle type call center job. Its impossible for me to do and I will get fired or quit. I need employment that allows me to be creative, active and engage, not tied to a desk doing the same task over and over again because I’d just die. I only take jobs that are salary because I may be running a few minutes late but I am more than willing to stay late to make it. Getting things in order the night before make life a little easier. Setting my clocks a few minutes ahead does the trick for me too.

ADHD isn’t all bad. I believe its always why I have a great fun personality. I’m easy going, quick to adapt to change, creative, artistic and love all things involving the arts. I’ve just got to learn to balance it out.

I’ve found amazing resources including the blog Black Girl, Lost Keys. There are of hacks and tricks on TicTok about how to manage money and save time.

ADHD isn’t all bad. I believe its always why I have a great fun personality. I’m easy going, quick to adapt to change, creative, artistic and love all things involving the arts. I’ve just got to learn to balance it out. Regardless, if you’ve been diagnosis with ADHD or ever felt the way I’ve felt just know you are not alone.

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